Saturday Night at the Starlite

Courtesy John Wells:

Dear Folks,

HELP!

I've been very bad. I spent all my money on stupid things like food. I let the 19 viruses my computer got from PeoplePC keep me off line for weeks. I haven't done my practicing. I haven't done anything to be responsible about being given the sacred duty of hosting this Saturday, Octopus 1, 2005's Three Penny Opry at the Starlight.

I figure it's all Carol's fault. It's only logical:
Something's wrong.
Carol's the nearest blond.
Therefore, It's all her fault.

Wait a minute. ... Ahh! I'm feeling better now. The U.S. Postal service just sent this girl to my house. She didn't want to stay, even though I told her Carol wouldn't be home for a while, but she did leave me this box. And inside the box was a carton of Camel Filters Hard Pack for Carol, and a box of La Gloria Cubana Cigars for me. Thanks, Carlton. You shouldn't have.

Anyway, you've all stayed away in droves on previous occasions that I've been listed as the host or featured performer. This is your last warning. Show up and be ready to play, or I'll still love you. That'll teach you a lesson. I know who you are. I'll find out where you live. I expect all of you to show up at the Starlight at 8:00 PM, EDT SHARP, Saturday, Octopus 1, 2005.

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!


Sincerely,
GLORM, the worm from outer space now inhabiting and controlling the body of the human being previously known as John D. Wells