Tuesday, August 15, 2006

We Like Big Buts

Robert writes . . .

Our controversial 42nd President turns 60 years old on Saturday, August 19. And we're celebrating with song at The Starlite Lounge.

At 9:00 pm, Jack Erdie, Sue Gartland, Kate Snow, Van Stragand and Robert Wagner will be performing “in the round” in the back room of The Starlite. If you want to join the circle, bring your guitar. We’ll have some cake and ice cream, and maybe some chicken wings. Feel free to bring your kids.

When NBA superstar Charles Barkley said, “If ifs and buts were beer and nuts, we’d have a hell of a party,” he was NOT talking about Bill Clinton.

President Clinton is considered by many to be among the most intelligent and charismatic men of the twentieth century (and now, the twenty-first), BUT . . .

Was there ever a guy who so polarized the public? Leftists accused him of acting like a Republican. Rightists accused him of being a closet socialist. People doubted his sincerity, his honesty. A cottage industry of conspiracy theorists made big bucks of his alleged misdeeds. IF he’d have kept his zipper zipped

IF, IF, IF


Maybe eight years of relative peace and prosperity wasn’t enough.

Wouldn’t it be cool if Presidents were like professional wrestlers and they never really retired? Wouldn’t have been cool to see Bill Clinton square off against Ronald Reagan to settle once and for all who was the REAL great communicator?

How about Clinton versus FDR? Roosevelt retired with the belt, like Rocky Marciano, but he never had to square off against a guy like Bill Clinton. Clinton would have been the “heavy” in the match, having had to turn Republican just to get a chance to get in the ring with the champ. Maybe Clinton would overturn the wheelchair while the ref’s back is turned, get the pin on a fast count and run for the exit, waving the championship belt in the air while pelted by debris from the angry mob.

Clinton would proceed to defend his title against Richard Nixon, a fighter so dirty and vicious that even Bill Clinton would come out as the good guy. Nixon would tear him to shreds but get himself disqualified by using foreign objects and refusing to break a choke hold by the count of four.

The biggest showdown of all, of course, would be Clinton versus JFK. JFK would show up with Jackie and Marilyn and all that glitz and panache. Clinton would enter the ring with an entourage of trailer park hairdressers and truck stop waitresses. A huge battle royale would erupt, and in the confusion, one of Clinton’s floozies would seduce Kennedy, allowing Clinton to steal a thrilling victory.

Anyhow

Clinton wasn’t a wrestler, just another MIGHT HAVE BEEN
..

Calliope

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